When someone leaves you...
I am broken…
I am hurt…
I feel worthless…
Nobody loves me…
I don't deserve anything good…
I am wrong…
I am mistaken…
I made the wrong choice...
I have “Bad Luck”…
I feel devastated…
I feel lost…
I took the wrong decision...
Why have I always suffered the most?
Blah…Blah…Blah…. (And the gist goes on.)
Don’t you think I sensed your feelings accurately?
Because I feel the same way when someone leaves me.
(Well, that someone need not be a romantic interest always.)
We all trigger these “Void” feelings inside when someone parts with us.
But here is what I want to convey wholeheartedly,
“STOP LETTING YOURSELF OFF THE HOOK!”
It is pretty obvious to be clouded with mixed emotions and feelings that drain all our enthusiasm for the time being.
At the same time, it is very crucial to find pathways to move on with these unwanted encounters by making a way through this cloudy sphere.
This article is just curated to have a check on those possible pathways.
So, Stick around till the end.
At some point in our lives, we all experience this sort of incident where some people leave us for no reason or due to some reason.
Moving on with this situation seems easier than saying done. For the next couple of weeks, our mind gets flooded with all those memories of affection, love, care, trust, and attachment that we had shared with the person who left us. That is the stage where it seems tough to find a way to move on.
“THERE IS ALWAYS A BLESSING IN DISGUISE!”
In this article, I will jot down some practical steps that you can consider just to count those blessings.
1. PERFORM A REALITY CHECK -
Oftentimes, we miss this crucial point. We just keep thinking about the people who left us amid the storm. We often forget to check whether these people were serving a meaningful purpose in our lives or not.
I have observed that people who don’t deserve in our lives are destined to part their ways sooner or later. At that moment, generally, we do not get convinced by this thought. But in the future, when we look back to connect the dots, we end up finding a valid reason behind this suffering.
It is difficult to conclude at that moment what meaningful reason is hidden behind the pain. We can't foresee our future; therefore we cannot conclude anything beforehand.
As we retrospect, after a while, we do find a valid base to say “whatsoever was happened, happened for my good.”
So, just take your time and hold your horses until you arrive at a meaningful conclusion in the future.
2. ACKNOWLEDGE WHATEVER HAPPENED -
I always emphasize this, “Acknowledgement is the first step towards healing your emotional wounds.”
I found this very effective to bring people out of emotional trauma and mental agony.
When you acknowledge past events, your brain accepts them to push you further to come up with multiple solutions to move on.
That’s why people who acknowledge their breakups quickly are those who move on with disturbing memories faster.
Hence, give it a try!
3. VALIDATE HOW YOU FEEL -
Emotional turmoil takes time to fade away. We cannot forget shattering incidents quickly. But we can reduce the hurt caused by them.
Time does heal everything, but only when we put in our efforts for the healing.
Accept whatever you felt and how you feel now. Even if you feel guilty and empty. "It’s OK".
Human emotions are inseparable elements of life. It is absolutely fine to feel sad, unhappy, blue, disappointed. All the time you can’t be pumped, motivated, positive, and happy.
Every emotion upholds some beauty within.
Hence, accept all emotions and feelings without playing the "this is good", and "that is bad" blame game.
4. STAY AWAY FROM THE TOXICITY -
TOXICITY OF YOUR THOUGHTS…
Yes, you heard it right.
Many times, I see people start playing the revenge game with the respective person.
He made me feel bad; now I will make him feel bad. How dare she did wrong to me, I will teach her a lesson. (Sounds familiar. Right?)
By doing this you get nothing in return except wasting your time and energy behind this unwanted, unproductive drama.
These toxic thoughts would trap you in an infinite loop of hatred and grudges that gives you nothing valuable in return.
Here I mention the quote that I read on Empath to Empath FB page,
"Growth is the best revenge."
Therefore, stay away from this drama and focus on your growth.
5. TRUST THE DIVINE PLAN -
People who do not deserve your love, affection, and care exit from your life on their own.
It is just that, the universe makes room for those who truly deserve you.
As I mentioned earlier, there is a reason behind every incident in your life which we can’t conclude now. This is the time when your faith in divinity comes into the picture.
Let things unfold at their own pace at the right time.
When you feel nothing is working out, this is exactly the time when something deserving is getting embroidered for you as a part of a divine plan.
6. FIND THE BEST WAY OUT -
Whatever situation we are thrown into we need to learn how we can make the best out of that.
"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."
We have no control over what will happen to us, but we do have control over how we can respond and act. Reacting abruptly is never a sensible option under such circumstances.
Instead of thinking about the worst situation, you have been through, just think about how you can use this situation to make yourself stronger and grow further in life.
"Every cloud has a silver lining."
It is all up to shifting the focus on that silver lining rather than being cranky about the clouds.
7. IT IS “LESSON” TIME -
Find out what you learned from these experiences. There is always a space for learning from life experiences.
This is a task for you to reframe those learnings.
According to my opinion, bad phases, bad people, and bad experiences make you wiser than you were before.
Take a chance to learn a new chapter to make the next chapter of life worth living.
"Don't be afraid to start over. This time you are not starting from scratch, you are starting from the experience." - Biggs Burke.
8. BE PATIENT WITH HEALING TIME -
Take your own time to heal your pain, to heal your emotional wounds.
Some may need two weeks, some may need two months, and some may take two years to move on.
Therefore, Trust the process and be patient with your recovery period.
It is absolutely fine to get irritated and agitated if your brain is taking a bit longer to come out of embedded pain.
Experiencing “mixed emotions” is a part of the process. And any process takes its own time to show desired outcomes.
I sum up the healing process with this equation,
HEALING = PASSAGE OF TIME + REQUIRED ACTIONS FROM YOUR SIDE.
9. FILL THE HOLLOWNESS -
Recently, one of my friends approached me for help. She told me that she feels very devastated and hollow from the inside post her breakup incident and she finds it difficult to pass the time.
I thought for a while and said, "You know what, you have got ample spare time now to fill that hollowness. Focus on the hobbies that you couldn't chase because you were so busy thinking about the person you loved madly, meet and greet those loved ones who were subsided from your priority list before, and do the things for yourself that you had always wished to do for yourself.
"Spare time always takes care of your me time." Doesn't it?
This question and suggestion of mine changed her whole perspective of post-breakup blues.
Sometimes you just need a few encouraging words to get over shit that life throws at you!
“when you go, the road is rough; when you return, smooth”. - Thai Proverb
That’s all folks.
I tried coming up with a few practical steps that you can choose to try dealing with an overwhelming phase of life.
I can guarantee that your life will not be the same “Sad Story” as before once you work on the above-mentioned pathways.
On this note, let's call it a day.
Thanks for taking your precious time to go through my article.